A Wonderful List of Things My/Our Kids Have to Look Forward to:
1. They will never drink cows milk. I'm lactose intolerant. Sam is allergic to the horomones/antibodies/who-knows-what in milk not certified organic. Or maybe he's just high maintenance. But that random glass of chocolate milk at a friend's house or ice cream at a festival...probably never happening.
2. All they will ever be able to eat anyway is bread and water. Combined, Sam and I make one big picky eater. I can't eat foods high in fat or sugar-- or lots of peanut butter...or malt flavoring-- because I lost my gallbladder in 'Nam all those many years ago. Sam is randomly allergic to fun foods like mint, apples (raw), and certain kinds of oil (uncooked). At least I can eat all the carbs I can handle! And Sam has pears. He loves pears.
3. They will have teeth worse than a Liverpool sailor. Sam had bad teeth as a kid. He did the braces thing and only recently started wearing his retainers again. I had terrible, horrible, no-good, very-bad teeth. I got braces at the beginning of 4th grade. They were pink and purple. Yep. I had teeth coming in at weird angles and no where near where they were supposed to be. I blame it on a lot of wonky-mouthed English ancestors.
|Bad-teeth Shannon, age 6. Fun Fact: This is the last time I showed my|
teeth in a school picture until 8th grade. You now know why.
"Did gyoo know Frontier airlinthe ith shtopping their fligthsh out of Profo?"
"That ith shtoopid, they jusht shtarted!"
"Yeah, and I heard mosht of their flightsh are alwaysh full."
"Don't they only ko to lichhe Billingsh, Montana?"
And so forth.
4. They will sport a very bizarre and perhaps at times creepy sense of humor. That will come primarily from me, but Sam's oddities are far from infrequent...why do you think I married him?
Exhibit A: "Dying Man" My siblings' and my darkish twist on Hangman. Complete with nonsensical words that probably wouldn't make sense to many other people.
|Don't ask me, I have no explanation.|
At the very least, they are going to have pretty hair (hopefully), and pretty eyes. Yikes, I hope so, otherwise we will have to hide them in cages and pass their bread and water through the bars.