Monday, June 11, 2012

A Witty Fool

I often get insomnia.  Bad.  Thank heavens for melatonin and a bedmate who also often gets it, so at least you can be bored and sleepy together, and do things like read or talk about how to get the cat to stop biting peoples' legs when they walk by.

But sometimes when Sam is snoring away and I'm lying there staring at the inside of my eyelids, my mind wanders.  I let it, because concentrating on going to sleep never helped me, and if I'm thinking about designs for chicken coops for the chickens I don't have, maybe it will turn into a dream, and then I'll be asleep!  Plus, as long as its not the repetitive lyrics to an obnoxious 90s song, it's nice to think about random things.  Last night my mind wandered to memories of early summer a few years ago and I thought of a time when sometimes we make a fool of ourselves, but it's funny in retrospect, namely as with the time I call My Worst Date Ever (or, Shortest Record Time I've Had a Crush on Someone).
I googled "Awkward Date" and this was the best picture, sadly
I'm going to call this guy Greg, because I don't think I've ever met anyone in my decade named Greg, so it's a safe name (but sorry if I have, Greg, correct me).  Greg and I ran into each other after church one time, and I'd known him from back in California, but only on a professional basis (vagueness is important here, I promise).  Anyway, he proposed that I hang out with him and his friend, who I also knew.  I was moving to a new neighborhood and in need of some friendship, so I was excited about it.  I also decided this Greg fellow was my new crush.

A week or two later, we met up and had dinner (all three of us), then Greg's friend left the state for the summer.  A week after that, Greg and I were texting.  I figured with Greg's friend out of the picture, I had the opportunity to make some kind of hint of a move.  So, we decided that I would walk over to Greg's house to watch a movie.

I think my first mistake was that I was under the impression that this was some kind of date.  I may have been a skoshe desperate for one.  I mean really, I was young and single and in Provo and I hadn't had a single date that wasn't a set-up since I'd moved there (if you know me, you know I've been asked out on all of 1 actual date total, which ended up in marriage).  Whatever.

Anyway, so I got to his house, knocked on the door, anxious (and wearing perfume).  I heard a shout of "come on down" from the belly of the house, and did so.  There was Greg, sitting on the couch watching basketball with his ripped jeans on and bare feet on the coffee table.  If he drank bottled beverages, I bet there was one in his hand.  I sat on the opposite end of the couch and crossed my legs, trying to make small talk, which didn't happen, because clearly he was more interested in the basketball game than anything else.  After a while, I started to notice that his feet were the source of most of the stink in the room and wanted something to distract me, so I said "...Well, can we watch that movie?" and he was like "Oh sure, they're over on the table, pick one."

There were a handful of movies scattered on the table, so I picked through.  I saw Master and Commander, which happens to be one of my favorite movies of all time.  I picked it up, unable to control the "Ooooh!" that escaped my lips because, hey, a guy who likes Master and Commander is awesome in my book.  Greg reacted to my noise by saying "Oh, that, yeah, I borrowed it from a girl I know.  It was really boring."  Oh.  Hrrr....

Finally we settled on Hotel Rwanda, the only one that we could agree on (because neither of us had seen it yet).  And that was a bad idea.  Genocide and such...not great date material.  I was trying not to cry because I'm a sap, and I have no idea what awkwardness was going through Greg's mind.

Ten minutes before the movie ended, Greg's roommate came home (it was now almost 12:30AM), and said "Oh hey, Hotel Rwanda, that's a good movie" and thankfully joined us in watching the ending.  It ended, and the roommate said something about the time, which prompted Greg to turn to me and say "Yeah, if it wasn't Friday night, I would've asked you to leave a long time ago."  Yikes.  Curfew's not til 1AM, son.

I couldn't get out of the house fast enough, let me tell you.  And before I'd reached home, I'd recovered from crushing on the fellow-- good thing, too, otherwise I'd be stuck with musing about chicken coops.


LP said...

I think the picture is perfect for what you're describing. Sad day. Sad date. Sad "Greg".

Wasdensc said...

Who is this one date fellow? And you were seriously never asked out on a date (like "would you like to go on a date with me?" asking)? I thought you were speaking in hyperbole like you so often do!

Shannon said...

I've had dates with people I was set up with, and with people I just wound up with, but you were the first and last random guy to ask me on a date, honest to goodness.