June 17th marks six months of Sam and me being married. It was also around a year after we decided to get engaged. It's odd to look back and think about how much things have changed. I've always been perhaps overly nostalgic and thought too fondly of "how things used to be." But this time, I don't feel that way. And it's definitely not because things have been soooo good OMG since we got married, because to say that would be a big fat lie. It's because I've changed, we've both changed, and I really like the changes. We are nowhere near perfect, still. To say that after only six months of marriage...hoo boy...we'd be ready for ascension or something, let me tell you.
There comes a point when you decide that your love for someone outweighs all of the other stuff, like thinking you're a swell person or always needing to be right. That point for me was some time a couple of months ago. Sam was at a meeting, and I was thinking about a disagreement we'd had. I suddenly thought of "Landslide" by Fleetwood Mac, particularly this part:
"Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
And can I sail through the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Oh oh I don't know, oh I don't know
...Well, I've been afraid of changing
Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older too"I'll spare you my detailed mental analysis, but essentially, I decided that I was the one I had built my life around, and that if I was going to think about what it really meant to love someone, I was going to have to stop being a child and grow up in order to take what life threw my way. And I really do love Sam, and I'm pretty sure he would shrivel up into a raisin if I ever did anything drastic, so I sat on the bed until he came home and talked to him about it. I confessed to him that I had no idea what I was doing half the time, and he said he had no immediate solution, so we just hugged and called it good, promising to work on it. You can't win every battle. We just try our darndest to be aware of our shortcomings and work around them, and I try hard to always give Sam the benefit of the doubt.
We still have our disagreements. Like the time we fought about whether or not people in the 1920s were better at reading body language because of their exposure to silent films. Geesh. And I wish I could talk to him about environmental or political issues without feeling the need to prepare for battle. But all of the other stuff I don't worry about as much anymore. Because we are far from perfect, and even if I don't know what to do sometimes, I don't have to worry, because that's okay. Just take it as it comes.
All in all, I'm happy I got married. Sam makes me a better me. And he's pretty fine looking too, if I do say so myself :)
|He's growing a beard.|