Thursday, October 20, 2011


I feel like I haven't talked about my real life in a while, aside from the post I wrote in the hospital.

This has been an interesting semester so far. Between the numerous doctors' appointments and blood tests and diet changes and the veritable pharmacy I carry around with me everywhere I go, my health has sort of taken center stage. I don't like it that way. Not at all.

Another thing is the whole being engaged thing. People tell you planning a wedding (and carrying out those plans) is a menace, but they often forget to mention all the learning and growing you and your partner do. That, my friends, is a process. It's rather time-consuming. It makes me forget that I have a life outside of Sam, that my friends are still my friends. But if I'm going to spend the rest of my life with Sam, we need to work out the kinks and learn to be together, and not act as though we are two people, or single people living together. I'm not sure I got that point across, it's complicated.

And of course, as far as school and work goes, I have (typically) bitten off almost more than I can chew. Well, it's more like one of those enormous bites you take where you have to cover your mouth for a while to prevent things from flying out until you can get a handle on everything you've shoved in your mouth. Yeah, nice image. I have four research projects this semester, two of which I volunteered for. And the display case I've been working on putting together at the museum is finally almost up. And yet, the inevitable things are going wrong.

That's something I've learned to deal with better (at least I hope so) lately. Sometimes things don't go the way you plan, and as hard as you try and push to make it work, the universe (or people...) push back. Nothing will ever be perfect, not in this life. It's part of my growing experience to learn to be truly flexible and learn that not everyone, no matter how kind they can be or how well-meaning they are, will act according to plan.

But I have a lot to be grateful for. I'm actually grateful for all these experiences, even if it means I can't have my wedding precisely the way I want (note to the world: if it's not your wedding, it is NOT your wedding), or that I have to redo the labels in the display three times over and over, and get cut by a razor in the process, or that I live from meal to meal, wondering how everything I put in my mouth will affect me. And I'm grateful that I have friends who have offered support and anything they can do to help me. And I'm grateful for family, who constantly make me laugh and provide an outlet to really be myself. And I'm grateful for Sam, who will one day be my family, and who already understands me better than anyone else, and will do anything for me. We will work through the years ahead together, and I feel more confident knowing that he'll be by my side.


LP said...

Very insightful. The crazy thing is, there's always something that keeps you learning. As I'm sure you know, once you think you got one thing down, something else (or several something elses) pop up. I guess that's what makes life interesting.

katie said...

Amen to what your mother said. And I think I get what you mean about needing to "work out the kinks and learn to be together, and not act as though we are two people, or single people living together". There was one point after Shaun and I had only been married maybe 6 months or so when he was really busy with work and school and I was just kinda doing my thing. I told him once that I felt like we were acting more like roommates than a married couple. We started to make spending time together and talking more for the sake of just talking more a higher priority than it was, and it really changed things. He said he never noticed any roommate-ness, but since I felt we needed a change, he changed with me. But yeah... I think I get what you mean.

Megan said...

Don't forget... I am at your service if you need any help with wedding stuff. I know you want things done a certain way so that still is difficult but yeah. I'm there. I feel like I'm about to break out into song or something.

Also, I have Hocus Pocus and Practical Magic recorded, if you're interested...

Also, I concur with what mom and Katie said. =)